Long friendships/relationships are weird because when you think about what it was like when you met this person and how you are now it completely changes.
This person goes from someone new and refreshing that you feel inclined to tell all your deepest secrets, fears, and thoughts to— to someone who you see so often that you want to get away and you end up keeping secrets from them. It’s really interesting.
You go from clearing your day to see or talk to this person to ignoring them or forgetting to respond for the next best thing. It’s like toys you repeatedly replace in your childhood: one new one comes in, one old one gets forgotten.
I’m not saying this is how I feel in my relationships, because it’s not. I just always find myself fearing that this is how people in my life are seeing me and all I want to do is be their favorite toy.
I would like some peace of mind, I’ve got such a heavy heart. And you were broken down, before you had a chance to start.
Today’s my birthday and I’m bummed for many reasons:
1. The love of my life is in Italy
2. I work not even a 9-5, but a 2-10
3. I am sad and lonely and depressed
4. I don’t want to accept the fact that I am 20 years old now
5. No one cares